The holidays present challenges even when our lives are running smoothly.  The first family gathering without our loved one can seem overwhelming.  We do have some control over what happens on these days, if we choose to take it.

Some strategies are:

New Routines:  Some people find it helpful to make changes, such as having a holiday meal at another family members home or change the meal to a different time of day.  Families who find worship routines too full of memories have attended a different service.  If you find yourself dreading a certain part of the holiday rituals, use your creativity to find alternatives.

Communication:  Express your needs and concerns clearly to those around you.  Families that sit down together and discuss the holidays ahead of time do much better and avoid some of the fatigue, resentment and disappointment that can surface.

Cutting Back on Activities:  Grief is physically and mentally exhausting.  Cutting back on commitments during the holidays is an important self-care activity.  Gift certificates, checks and catalog shopping can help you avoid distressing shopping trips.  Limiting time you spend at family and social gatherings can conserve energy.  Give yourself permission to withdraw from an activity that just doesn’t feel good.

Celebrate the Memory of Your Loved One:  The word celebrate can also mean “to honor.”  Some families choose to set aside a special time to create a new tradition which to honor the memory of their loved one.  Sharing stories or memories can be a wonderful way to honor your loved one.  Have a special candle that you light each day to remember your loved one.  You may not feel like you are good company, but your family and friends still need to spend time with you during the holiday season.  It is okay to enjoy yourself; laughter is still an important part of living.